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Best Things to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed
This file was originally compiled by bw@cv.hp.com from the alt.support.depression newsgroup. You can find it in various incarnations across the net. Both this and the Worst Things to Say to Somone Who Is Depressed files are very useful to print out and give to someone close to you who may not know what depression is like. My (Tserisa's) own additions are in itallics and were last added Oct 22, 2000.
Version 1.2
April 29, 1995
It is most tempting, when you find out someone is depressed, to attempt
to immediately fix the problem. However, until the depressed person has
given you permission to be their therapist (as a friend or professional),
the following responses are more likely to help.
The things that didn't make me feel worse are words which
- acknowledge my depression for what it is (No 'it's just a phase')
- give me permission to feel depressed (No 'but why should you be sad?')
Here is the list from contributors to a.s.d.:
1. "I love you!"
2. "I Care"
3. "You're not alone in this"
4. "I'm not going to leave/abandon you"
5. "Do you want a hug?"
6. "I love you [if you mean it]."
7. "It will pass, we can ride it out together."
8. "When all this is over, I'll still be here [if you mean it] and so
will you."
9. "Don't say anything, just hold my hand and listen while I cry."
10. "All I want to do is give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on.."
11. "Hey, you're not crazy!"
12. "May the strength of the past reflect in your future."
13. "God does not play dice with the universe." -- A. Einstein
14. "A miracle is simply a do-it-yourself project." -- S. Leek
15. "We are not primarily on earth to see through one another,
but to see one another through" -- from someone's sig
16. "If the human brain were simple enough to understand, we'd be too
simple to understand it." -- a codeveloper of Prozac,
quoted from "Listening to Prozac"
17. "You have so many extraordinary gifts -- how can you expect to live
an ordinary life?" -- from the movie "Little Women" (Marmee to Jo)
18. "I understand your pain and I empathize"
19. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am
going to take care of myself so you don't need to worry that your
pain might hurt me."
20. "I listen to you talk about it, and I can't imagine what it's like for you.
I just can't imagine how hard it must be."
21. "I can't really fully understand what you are feeling, but I can offer
my compassion."
22. "You are important to me."
23. "If you need a friend..... [and mean it]"
24. "I'll stick with you no matter what." [Don't go back on this. It's a betrayal.]
25. "I like/love *all* of you."
And a note: Depressed people will have recurring feelings for a very long time. Repeating a phrase like "You're important to me." many times, whenever the depressed person is feeling unwanted, may happen; and that repeating is comforting. Depression makes a person doubt what they've heard or have a hard time believing it.
Originally compiled by bw@cv.hp.com. Additional stuff by tserisa@yahoo.com.
Have any
others?
Send them to me and I'll add them.
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